What plagues the Slum-dog and the Millionaire

Recently, a friend expressed disagreement with the slew of Facebook posts, profile picture changes and links that sought to inform or sensitize their circle of friends about treating women with respect. I too noticed this topic was trending, especially for two reasons. One, Shenaz Treasurywala’s much circulated open-letter to the Prime Minister of India and other men of import or influence in India after yet another rape, which acquired notoriety as Uber Rape Case. The second reason was a campaign led by the United Nations titled ORANGEurhood. The reason for his disagreement with all the ‘posts’ and ‘shares’ was that they were aimed at the wrong target – a wrong section of men in the society. Wrong target because, in his reason, if a man had a Facebook account or a Twitter handle or both or some other sort of presence on the internet’s social space, they fall in the category that behaves respectfully toward women and treat them with dignity and honor.

In that case, all this splash of messages on social and electronic space is misplaced, was his concern. The men who rape, violate the dignity, pass unacceptable comments on and behave crudely with women are in the slums or are those doing lesser jobs like driving (three and four-wheeled) taxis, operating private buses and the likes. They are the scum of the society and they need to be reformed and that cannot be done by spamming Facebook.  I’d like to leave it to you to decide whether or not his line of thought holds water and why. Do take a minute to leave your comments on what you feel.

I respect his concern but I don’t agree with him on that totally.

By the way, there have been responses to Ms Treasurywala’s letter but thankfully, no one questioned the UN Secretary General for all the electricity wasted lighting up the The UN Headquarters and the Empire State Building in orange ;).

The mirror in the men’s washroom shouts loud to anyone who cares that physical desire is part of man’s (male of this species called Homo-sapiens) primal nature – that’s the entire gender. ‘Every’ male needs to be educated, sensitised and enlisted in this constant battle with his fleshly inclinations, simply because it threatens the very fabric the female of ‘his’ species. That’s some ownership-perspective. Sir William Osler, the 19th century Canadian physician and one of the four founding professors of Johns Hopkins Hospital wittily notes, the natural man has only two primal passions, to get and to beget. Wit apart, lets look at wisdom.

Firstly, all that’s natural is not desirable. For example, countless venomous snakes are a part of our natural habitat. We don’t treat them like we treat our pet dogs or cats, do we? When one of those lethal reptiles crosses our path, our reflexes are set off immediately and we ensure safety, by hook or crook. At the same time, no sane person advocates that all the snakes should be wiped out of existence. That’s utter foolishness, from the perspective of ecological balance. Similarly, desire has its right place and practice. Unfettered desire thrills the individual for a moment but imperils the very essence of our society. What judgment could that be, where momentous pleasure supersedes manifold perils; what justice could that be, where individual creed supersedes social interest.

Yes, physical desire in men dies only with death of the body but death need not be the only solution.

Secondly, looking at the other side of the coin helps us understand and solve better.

Women’s expectations from a man are foremost non-physical – faithfulness, consistency in commitment, protection, companionship, support, empathy, sense of humor, value, respect and love-care. There are some slightly physical one she will expect at a later stage in a relationship – like holding hands or snuggling – but all of them can be done with the man’s underpants well in place.

So, when a woman shows some interest in befriending, its never, never for your 6-incher as you might think and brag. She’s in fact, expecting you to deliver on some of those real-manly Key Result Areas (KRAs) that we’ve described. Once her expectations are fulfilled, as Andrologists would confirm, any thing over two-and-a-half will do the job as efficiently.

Now, some of you might be shaking your ‘experienced’ heads in disagreement, with a smirk that says ‘this-is-bull$#!*’

Hey, calm down man. I know your experience is real. No one’s saying women don’t enjoy their time in bed with their men. They do. But any such time in bed should be with their clear minds, express consent, voluntary active involvement and without any coercion – emotional, financial or physical. That’s real copulation. Animal world too follows these basics when it comes to breeding. Sadly, this does not happen very often in a human relationship that’s supposed to be much more than breeding. Let men change…now!